[Book Plot Summary]

• So Mei is a trans woman that lives in a Canadian city called Dundurn, but recently has been grieving over the death of her cousin, Sandy. Growing up with her mother, Jun, Mei lived in a home where she wasn’t necessarily accepted for who she was, so Sandy would often pick her up and she would spend time with him and his mother, Bernadette. Sandy and Bernadette lived in a more rural setting and were open to witnessing Mei explore who she was and provided an accepting environment during this really important time. Bernadette recently died as well, so overall Mei is just not in a good place. She spends time at Sandy’s house with his dog, 🎶Hazellllllllllll🎶l, and her very pushy friend, Annette, also often checks on her to make sure she’s okay. Mei has definitely fallen into depression—not necessarily having the energy to make friends or seek employment. Still a little unclear what Mei and Annette’s professional backgrounds are atm.   

• Mei is at Sandy’s house reminiscing on old times. Sandy and Mei were close as children, would play pranks on one another, and Sandy even kept a journal where he would write in Chinese characters. Nai Nai, their grandmother, lived with Sandy and Bernadette. Nai Nai was a bit judgmental of Jun, Mei’s mom, and her decision to live in the city and would often link her “proud nature” to why she didn’t have a man. The story kind of vacillates between Mei exploring Sandy’s house in current day and then reminiscing on the memories many of the objects bring. At one point, Mei attempts suicide, but is awoken by her grandmother’s, Nai Nai’s, voice. She later goes into town and get a briefcase(?????) that I think belonged to Sandy (honestly this scene didn’t really matter no shade). 

• Later, she goes to a grocery store with 🎶Hazellllllllllll🎶 and meets a woman named Diane who was actually Aunt Bernadette’s girlfriend. Turns out auntie was gay and Mei had never clockt that tea. Mei and Diane become friends and reminisce about Bernadette. Later, Mei invites Diane over for dinner and unfortunately Diane misgenders her and keeps calling her “the gay nephew”. Granted, when they met when Mei was checking out of the grocery store, one of the cashiers tried desperately to do some ally theatre, which was just mad awkward lol. And especially since Aunt Bernadette had told Diane SO MUCH about Mei, she figured that Diane just knew she was trans. But then, when she corrected Diane and was like “I’m a woman” Diane’s WHOLE expression changed and she became really stoic and cold. And she was just like “blah blah blah you can’t make a woman, I like you, I hope you’re just confused” and then told this irrelevant story about how she used to deny trans women housing at a women’s shelter. It was all just super fucked up honestly like goddamn. 

• What commences next is a series of flashbacks, one of which is a flashback where Sandy had attacked one of Mei’s exes and Mei was irritated that he even did all that, like girl... Another was an unfortunate instance where Mei was attacked by a man as she was walking to the bus one night after a night at the bar with Annette. Afterward, her friend Connie took care of her and then Sandy came and stayed with her for a week. Mei originally met Connie at a drop-in center and helped her move, during which there was a weird instance where Connie had what might have been a body in a trunk, which was a lot lmao. When Sandy came and saw Mei after the assault, he was pissed and Mei was like, “bitch, are you mad at me or the man that did this?!” 

• Anyways, so they stayed together and Mei asked about Nai Nai and Sandy said she was honestly fine even tho she seemed really strict towards Mei’s mom. Then Mei saw that Sandy had a weird cut on the back of his hand and, of course, he was shady about it after being asked, which then led to this weird argument about if Mei had hit the dude that attacked her in the knee vs. the shoulder and then Sandy violently vomited and me, Hazel, and like 500 other hoes were like “WHAT THE FUCK?!” 

• Anyways, so then there was a flashback of Nai Nai dying and she was saying that Sandy needs to look after Mei and that his strength is different from hers. Then, there was flashback of how afterward some white boy made fun of Mei’s name and so Sandy was given little option BUT to whoop that ass.

[Book Thoughts and Feelings]

• Sandy and savior masculinity; violence being a means to validate himself 

• Nai Nai’s connection to the ancestors and the idea of white people treating the dead like old people

• Wtf was in Connie’s trunk?!

• Wtf did Sandy do to get a bloody hand?!

• Diane and fake ass LGBTQIA+ allyship

• It’s interesting seeing the main character get misgendered so much, it definitely makes it sting in a more particular way—or even the scene with the park, before everything went down, I like felt super anxious reading it. Like you see the constant anxiety that comes along with moving through a society like this in a distinct and overwhelming way.

• I love the way this book frames distractions—like Mei will often focus on the setting around her or like random shit in the middle of uncomfortable interactions and I just find it to be a dope literary tactic. For example, when Diane was being awful towards her, Mei went on this whole bit about cleaning lasagna off the pan and how cumbersome it was going to be.

• I feel like the book’s timeline almost matches Mei’s sorrow. There’s something about events being in reverse chronological order that adds to the melancholy of everything.