[Book Plot Summary]

Chapter 1

• There’s a local man named Harry who met a rich, strange haole (foreigner) named Steve Yates at a fishing store. Steve invited him over 

• Harry is dating a woman named Nona and, after the strange encounter with Steve, the two decide to link up for some of Nona’s sickening chicken 

• Nona’s in a halau led by one Noelani Choi and is slick mediocre at hula and feels out of place 

• This Jewish white man named Mel Schulman that now goes by Kamakawiwo’ole (but Kam for short) lives in this dirty ass, termite-infested house in Pahoa. His family is over his escapist bullshit

• Noelani Choi is a bad bitch dancer and has been perfect ever since Aunty Kapolinahe Kahakunoe took her under her wing 

Chapter 2

• Nona, who’s a teacher, met Harry when he used to drop his kids off at school. His wife later died and after a real sweet scene in a grocery store, Nona and him fell in love 

• Back in present day, Harry made some weak ass musubi on their date and Nona open mouth cackled at this nigga

• They cutely made ~proper~ rice balls 

• Kam whitely went to Hilo cuz he ran out of Off and the mosquitoes was lightin his ass up. He stumbled upon a hula performance 

• Nona, who was in the aforementioned stumbled upon performance, brought the wrong mu’u mu’u to the performance and was goddamn mortified. So, she and Harry left lest she be subject to more shade from bitch ass Betty Manibog

• Kam watched the show and befriended a guy in a band named Johnny Boy 

• Apparently Kam used to play some bass and guitar in Hollywood back in the day 

• Harry and Nona got to Yates’ house and did a helicopter ride and all types of shit, this mf rich than a mf lmao 

• Steve’s wife Lisa seems melancholy to Nona, but she can’t quite pinpoint why 

• They told story and ate malasada and Nona’s thick ass chicken for a long time 

• Johnny boy introduced Kam to fellow bandmates; Carl Fernandes (drummer), Saul Malani (rhythm guitar), and Randall Dang (lead guitar to be replaced)

• Apparently Noelani is overbearingly religious and annoying af

• Kam officially moved to Hilo and joined the band where they bonded 

• Nona visited Noelani, who apparently feels empty inside when she does hula and to whom Aunty Kapo wants to apologize for anything that drove Noelani away

• Nona apologizes for missing the performance and gives Noelani a gift of $100,000 from Steve and Lisa

Chapter 3

• Harry and Steve develop a friendship where they go out fishing together. Harry kinda shows him the ropes where you attach squid and cut the lines and things like that 

• They have some interesting conversations where Harry says Steve needs to leave the land be and not feel like he owns everything. Steve isn’t accustomed to being the one who doesn’t know something or not being the one in charge 

• There’s this hilarious plate lunch rivalry between these two restaurants; Goto’s and Matsuoka. Charlotte, and now, Eva Matsuoka, will stop at nothing to fuck everyone’s shit up and steal recipes. They’ll interrupt relationships, join hula groups, girl it’s wild lmao

• Eva joins the Noelani’s halau to steal Nona’s chicken recipe which turns out to be a bust 

• Noelani decides to make a hula dance based on the birth and death of Jesus Christ which yikes 

• Kam is attracted to Noelani which annoys Johnny Boy, but whatever. Kam tried to run up but, in the end, nothing transpired 

• The band, Ku’uipo, performs at a local bar named Kalani’s where hoes hate them at first, but after singing some of Israel’s bops, they’re beloved

• Noelani reveals her weird hula plan and the girls are having 0% of it. Nona thinks it’s lowkey fucked up to use the money to boast Christianity like that and weirdly confides in Eva about that for whatever reason

• The Hamakua rainforest local zoo that didn’t have no animals has been getting these random donations as have the tsunami museum, the performing arts center, and even Fumi Camacho for her college research

• Goto’s got a new fridge and Eva was PISSED 

• Ku’uipo ordered “crazy omelettes” at the Hilo Bowl, which weirdly had a backstory 

• Kam recognizes Steve who’s there with hoes (Harry, Nona, Lisa and like all of the halau including Frances Silva who is old and hilarious)

• Harry and Steve go fishing and Steve’s dumbass does too much and gets them swept into the damn water. Harry saves that ass and it’s revealed he’s missing a leg 

• Harry’s depressed, but Nona drops him off anyway 

• Afterward, Nona has a lowkeyyyy suicide attempt 

• Noelani invites Ku’uipo over to discuss the hula performance, finds out Kam’s Jewish, kicks him out, and is surprised when everyone’s like wtf. Then, Johnny Boy comforts her as she’s clearly the one who suffered the most in that interaction

Chapter 4

• Nona was blown at Harry’s bullshit and decided to confide in Lisa who thirstily accepted the gesture to hang out, and the two drank guava juice and sort of glossed over Nona’s very serious suicide attempt 

• They almost went shopping, but decided to go to Kilauea which is kinda like this volcanic black beachy area. They see a new island in the distance and the driver they were with was like “umm we’re definitely being watched” but no one cared 

• Meanwhile, at the bowling alley, Kam was like “Noelani got me FUCKED up” and Saul was like “girl you right, if you out then girl, I’m out too” *lazily sips soda*

• Noelani felt sad about being perfect cuz she feels like everyone should be able to do hula/do it like her if they just try hard enough which is, of course, not true. Slick she’s Christian cuz it’s like the one time in her life she’s ever felt rejected or challenged 

• Steve recovered and cleaned Harry’s leg and Harry was elated 

• Kam decides to meet Noelani at Kapiolani Park and, while waiting, meets a little boy and teaches him some standard chords on the guitar. They sing the “Hi’ilawe”

• Noelani witnesses this, attempts to lore Kam into selfishly talking about himself which is a dud and they sit down next to one another presumably for this fake ass apology

Chapter 5

• Lisa is VERY sick, perhaps with cancer or something—Harry’s wife died of cancer which is an unfortunate coincidence 

• Lisa was visited by an old aunty who used to own their spot who gave her ohelo jam, but Steve neither heard the woman nor thought the jam was as lit as Lisa said it was 

• Nona and Harry went to the beach to get good again. Harry was surprised how his closeness with Nona made him fight for his life 

• Noelani got the girls together to discuss roles for this stupid ass performance. Ignacio was dissed by Frances Silva saying he can’t be Jesus cuz he’s gay, yet they somehow landed on Ervin Shimabukuro despite Jesus not being Okinawan

• Kam and Noelani have a musical heart-to-heart to the dismay of Johnny-Boy

• Kam had a strange (and slightly homoerotic dream) where he’s fishing and then is visited by Steve who tells him that rather than searching for a particular fish, maybe going fishing is a reason enough to go. Clearly some symbolism for his trip to Hawaii 

Chapter 6

• Eva’s still a hatin ass bitch that wants Nona’s chicken 

• The girls treat Steve like a local which Harry found weird

• Kalani got a new PA system for the band thanks to Steve and lowkey Ku’uipo has been blowing upppp since Kam joined, so much so that they got noticed by an NPR radio rep named Lois Cabral who asked that they start making CDs

• Lisa’s starting to get better which Steve doesn’t necessarily like since he thought she was dying 

• Eva’s hatin ass found out Steve Yates been fillin the girls’ pocket books 

• Noelani was struggling boots to find the right Jesus and do the things, but she and Kam threw everything out and just decided to do a story of the Old Testament and just focus on the dance 

Chapter 7

• Kam and Noelani showed the halau their dance and they fucking hated it—except for Nona and Frances. Ignacio didn’t like that it mixed kahiko and auana, Betty wondered if the moves were correct, and some didn’t even feel like it was hula

• Nona and Harry’s relationship still rocky 

• Noelani was annoyed af after everything and felt like hula had just become repetition, the same steps, the same story, and that felt folks were too short-sighted. It was all about the judges and the awards. If Hawaii evolves, then hula should too

• Harry confides in Lisa that if he ever married Nona, he would fear his late wife would never forgive him 

• Ku’uipo did an interview and performance on the radio and the girls LIVEDT

• Steve is black lmao . Yaaaaasssss

• Samson got caught short changing the crazy omelettes and decided he was over the bullshit lol

• Noelani dreamt about bananas and patience 

• Steve’s good deeds are leading to some unrest especially with the zoo 

• Kam feels empty, what else is new? 

• Jonny Boy is in his feelings about Noelani even tho she and Kam ain’t together lol

Chapter 8

• Uncle Raymond is so obsessed with crazy omelettes cuz they remind him of Big Macs and how signature they are 

• Noelani leaves the hulau; Nona, Frances, Violet, Eva, and Ervin all follow. Ignacio is the new leader of the original group 

• The old lady returned and left more jam

• Nona’s meathead nephew Darin finna visit, chiiiiiile

• Nona has an epiphany and wants to stand out with dance 

• Eva made this whole cockamamie ass scheme to get Nona’s chicken involving a fake sickness, a catering party, and other mess, but all to no avail 

• Steve and Harry pull weeds and Arnold Goto reveals that Harry has been gooping Steve’s ass by not finding any fish 

• Noelani teaches her new squad how to move without music and then gives them each $20,000 lmao 

[Book Thoughts and Feelings]

• Is Steve God lmao? He always visiting bitches in dreams and shit 

• I love how Eva’s lowkey giving you Team Rocket tease lmao